Great description of a process for expanding beyond yourself, while in yourself :)
Great description of a process for expanding beyond yourself, while in yourself :)
I stand at the base of a cliff and look up. My entire life lays spread out before me like some kind of patchwork quilt created by a blind man – the shape is there, the vague outline of a life – but all the lines are crooked, like the creator lost his place many times along the way.
Starts and stops, splashes of color. None of it made sense up close, but down here, seeing it as the big picture it really is, things begin to come into focus.
“So I fell there…” I say, pointing to a particularly jagged set of lines early on in the quilt, then gesture to a steady upward rise and lightening of color. “So I could be stable and clear here.”
“But what’s it all about?!” I yell, waving my arms at the sky of my life. “Where the hell is it going?”
I didn’t expect an answer, and was surprised when I got one.
“That is up to you,” came a voice, both masculine and feminine, kind yet unattached.
“Up to me?” I say, incredulous. “Have you seen my life? Whose great idea was it to put me in charge of such a thing…it’s a complete mess!”
“It was your idea,” the voice intoned. “Complete autonomy. Complete freedom to choose as you will.”
Tears run down my face and my voice cracks as I fall to my knees. “I don’t want it! I don’t know what I’m doing! I mean look at this thing – it’s like I’m going in circles.”
“You are…” comes the reply, along with a rippling in the air above me. I look up once again.
The sky rendering of my life has drawn even farther away, yet I can see with perfect clarity. “Spirals,” I say.
“When do I get off the damn thing?” I yell. “When do I actually get somewhere? Anywhere?”
Points appear in the sky, linking the spirals, revealing the pattern even as they inscribe the Reiki symbol of power I’m so familiar with. I frown.
“It doesn’t feel like it. How do I get some sense of satisfaction and fulfillment? How do I recognize arrival?”
“Open your heart and let arrival in. It’s with you constantly, in ever breath, with every beat of your heart. Every moment that passes – you arrive and depart. You’re moving so fast, always on to the next thing, never pausing to be where you are – it’s there, you’re just missing it.”
Side Note: Living Words is a new project :) A kind of Truth meets Reality experience.
Above, in this story-fied experiential version, is generally how guidance arrives for me. Yes, I often yell at it. ;) But, it’s in pictures and with arguments and a lot of clarification – especially when I’m fed up and asking about something I’ve been pushing against for a while. I decided to actually write down the experience as it was happening. This is unedited.
The Living Words – Going Deeper sections, the ones that say ‘On Choice‘ and ‘On Acknowledgement’ – those are the boiled down versions I had gotten a couple weeks prior that I just wasn’t able to process through. They’re the sanitized versions, almost de-humanized in their directness, and they came first in calm awarenesses that were easy to put into disembodied words.
I realized that this blog has become a bit boiled down in nature – only showing the sanitized guidance I’d received and not showing any of the actual experience or humanness of the experience. I didn’t want to come across that way as the bulk of who I am and who I present myself as to those who encounter me. I’m a real person :) This is me sharing that, along with what I learned.
Drawing a complete blank for this week’s sparks!
So what I’m going to do is create a space in which you can share :)
This week’s sparks and Sparklies will be from someone else…!
A Spark is 140 characters long or so – like a twitter tweet! Short and sweet.
Share your inner light!
I’ll pick out a picture for you, or you can pick your own at http://www.morguefile.com/archive
This is in answer to the call from Karen Chrappa who wrote to her 20 year old self with sage advice, and invited others to do the same :) original here
Hiya me! :) I’m 36, you’re 20, and I’m writing you because it sounded like a neat idea. Who knows? Maybe you’ll even receive this in a dream (which I’ll then remember having ;) )
The premise behind this is for me to tell you about stuff you didn’t know back then, that I wish you had… It’s kind of free form really, so I’ll just randomly throw stuff out there :)
First and foremost – you know a whole lot more than you think you do, and also not nearly as much. You have a lot of heart knowledge, but your worldly street smarts really sucks. You know how you thought maybe your parents didn’t have a clue about the world? Well, ends up you were right. They’re not mentors – they’re a mess!
So don’t blow all your scholarships in the hopes they’ll notice you went to college – turns out that didn’t work and we’re still paying it off all this time later.
Oh, and! It’s okay to be on your own…it’s a really good chance to get to know yourself. I remember how tempting it was to go off and find people to define me by – guys, friends, groups. In the end I more found out who I wasn’t.
Learn To Drive. Ends up your dad didn’t have your best interests in mind there, either… you are an amazing driver. There’s nothing to be afraid of, you won’t hurt anyone – trust yourself even when he wouldn’t. Especially when he wouldn’t.
Drinking? Drugs? Bad idea. You learned that one real quick, but unfortunately the really really really hard way. It wasn’t worth it…
Speaking of which – things being painful and difficult doesn’t mean they’re worth it. It just means they’re difficult. You can actually take the easy road without missing out on a thing.
It also ends up that sacrificing yourself for other people makes zero sense. It doesn’t help them one bit – you just take on their crap for a while. They’ll have to do it all over again later b/c you got in the way of their learning how not to do it! Oops…yeah, hard one to learn, but that one is very worth it :)
The biggest thing I have to share with you is that heart knowledge thing. The deep and high connection you have…and your desire to share it with everyone else. It’s precious. Cultivate it for yourself first, learn how it works and how to love yourself…not how to love everyone else no matter what. Ends up we had it backwards.
Once you cultivate that heart space, you’ll have all the guidance you need. Feels tense and sharp? Don’t go there! There’s another way around, one of connection – it may be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be Heart Rending if you know what I mean. Listen closely to that.
Balance, stability and emotional resilience are going to be big assets as you move through life. Still are. Drama for drama’s sake has a flavor – you know what I’m talking about. That ‘on fire’ feeling? Avoid it…again, it’s not worth it. That’s you burning…just you.
Oh! And you know how your mom treated everything with aspirin, and then advil? It ends up that doing that for a really long time is bad, as is triple dosing. If it hurts, it means something is wrong. That something may be emotional, but it’s still a something and you gotta be there with it.
Last thing I can think of kinda goes back to what I said before about getting to know yourself by yourself. In the end there’s you. Your connection to everyone and everything begins and ends with you – a full circle. You’re the alpha and omega of it, and your depth is never ending.
That’s the exploration of life – really, what life is about for us this lifetime, in a way…knowing ourselves and how our world reflects us back to us. So get to know you, outside the realm of influence of your mother (especially) and father… and the people you feel you have to help or ‘save.’
Other people aren’t your job or your purpose. You are. In exploring that, your life, dedicated to serving the realization of humanity’s highest potential at this time as it always has been, can actually be made manifest. It must begin at the heart of you…so get to know yourself!
The reality bubble you’re spinning out around you is of you – what comes in and goes out. Fascinating stuff – you’ll really enjoy it :)
Oh, and there is a God – ‘It’ is infinite expansion and exploration of existence, of which you are a part.
As such, you are intensely loved, accepted and a perfect fit for all the wonderment (or woe) you choose to create with your life. :) Me, I’m pulling for the wonderment team these days. Woe is interesting, but it gets old.