Living Words – The Beginning
I stand at the base of a cliff and look up. My entire life lays spread out before me like some kind of patchwork quilt created by a blind man – the shape is there, the vague outline of a life – but all the lines are crooked, like the creator lost his place many times along the way.
Starts and stops, splashes of color. None of it made sense up close, but down here, seeing it as the big picture it really is, things begin to come into focus.
“So I fell there…” I say, pointing to a particularly jagged set of lines early on in the quilt, then gesture to a steady upward rise and lightening of color. “So I could be stable and clear here.”
“But what’s it all about?!” I yell, waving my arms at the sky of my life. “Where the hell is it going?”
I didn’t expect an answer, and was surprised when I got one.
“That is up to you,” came a voice, both masculine and feminine, kind yet unattached.
“Up to me?” I say, incredulous. “Have you seen my life? Whose great idea was it to put me in charge of such a thing…it’s a complete mess!”
“It was your idea,” the voice intoned. “Complete autonomy. Complete freedom to choose as you will.”
Tears run down my face and my voice cracks as I fall to my knees. “I don’t want it! I don’t know what I’m doing! I mean look at this thing – it’s like I’m going in circles.”
“You are…” comes the reply, along with a rippling in the air above me. I look up once again.
The sky rendering of my life has drawn even farther away, yet I can see with perfect clarity. “Spirals,” I say.
“When do I get off the damn thing?” I yell. “When do I actually get somewhere? Anywhere?”
Points appear in the sky, linking the spirals, revealing the pattern even as they inscribe the Reiki symbol of power I’m so familiar with. I frown.
“It doesn’t feel like it. How do I get some sense of satisfaction and fulfillment? How do I recognize arrival?”
“Open your heart and let arrival in. It’s with you constantly, in ever breath, with every beat of your heart. Every moment that passes – you arrive and depart. You’re moving so fast, always on to the next thing, never pausing to be where you are – it’s there, you’re just missing it.”
Side Note: Living Words is a new project :) A kind of Truth meets Reality experience.
Above, in this story-fied experiential version, is generally how guidance arrives for me. Yes, I often yell at it. ;) But, it’s in pictures and with arguments and a lot of clarification – especially when I’m fed up and asking about something I’ve been pushing against for a while. I decided to actually write down the experience as it was happening. This is unedited.
The Living Words – Going Deeper sections, the ones that say ‘On Choice‘ and ‘On Acknowledgement’ – those are the boiled down versions I had gotten a couple weeks prior that I just wasn’t able to process through. They’re the sanitized versions, almost de-humanized in their directness, and they came first in calm awarenesses that were easy to put into disembodied words.
I realized that this blog has become a bit boiled down in nature – only showing the sanitized guidance I’d received and not showing any of the actual experience or humanness of the experience. I didn’t want to come across that way as the bulk of who I am and who I present myself as to those who encounter me. I’m a real person :) This is me sharing that, along with what I learned.