Category Archives: Consciousness
The Pulse …my hero
(Note: This is a continuation from a previous entry – The Pulse …in allowing)
I noticed the first thing that came up for me was this low grade constantly present fear. I realized that I had been explaining it to myself, wrassling with it, judging it, accepting it and hoping it would just go away…
When I looked at it with allowing eyes, at first it got worse and I was like, forget this! Ugh! This is AWFUL!! What in the world am I so freaked out about? It got worse and worse but I stayed and listened as I moved about my day, instead of using one of many tactics I’ve developed during my life to banish it.
I realized after a day or so of low grade panic (I spent a lot of time in the nature sanctuary nearby, walking and listening and looking around while doing this…the flowers and trees really helped.) that the background noise of fear was revealing itself to be of multiple tones.
I was being constantly poked by a wide variety of things that were so constant that at first it had appeared to be a single voice. Nope! As I watched and allowed and trained my focus on different voices, they resolved themselves.
This was tough – it was so hard not to reach for my HUGE bag o’ tricks and process through or whatever. Nope, I decided to give this Let it Be thing a full opportunity to be experienced, and I stuck with it.
It was hard. I cried / panicked a lot and returned to listening to the breeze or the water or trees talking to each other and kept looking. It was as if I’d been waiting for this for my entire life…
One by one the voices presented themselves. They appeared as grubby children. A child with her teddybear’s head ripped off by a bully, crying and dirty, was first. I sat with her, listened to her rang and rave and throw temper tantrum after tantrum until she wore herself out.
Then she ran to me and I felt like she wanted me to know her better but didn’t know how to begin, so I asked her, “What’s your name?” Joy, she said, and a flash of memories passed before my eyes of all the times I had been punished by people who were supposed to be taking care of me for being too loud.
Being too happy. I got picked on and beaten up enough times that I learned not to do that, and this little girl had held it for me. She was my protector – not a demon or gremlin stealing my joy, but instead protecting me from the pain that had come before. She was my hero, my knight. Together we looked at the world, and it was changed.
The Pulse …in allowing
You know…it wasn’t until recently – very recently – that I came to really understand what the wisdom in the words, “Let it be…” really is..
I thought, ‘Let it be,’ meant leave it alone. Figure out a way to let it go. Find something in myself that will allow me to just let it alone.
Much to my surprise I suddenly realized…this isn’t what the deeper truth of the phrase is really speaking to. It’ll do the job, not acting from rage and trusting in life for all to move into balance in time. Trusting in something beyond ourselves. Yes, good stuff…but not the whole picture.
For all I know I’m not onto the entire picture myself, even – but I did find this new piece I want to share. It’s the piece of Allowing while bearing witness.
I can see why I missed it – it’s a heart thing, and as much as the analytical mind may like to take it apart and put it back together in order to figure it out…that isn’t going to happen with this, because it doesn’t ‘make sense’ in a mental way.
Letting it be has a passively active element to it (how’s that for confusing? ;) ) The role of the witness, the bearer of awareness as an individual that each of us possess – we hold the key to alchemy, if we’re willing to let it go. (definitely confusing)
When we watch – an event, an emotion, a memory, another person – without any judgment at all…something magical happens.
Judgment confines, tries to control and dissect, fit into boxes that channel action in appropriate ways according to our beliefs. It’s about power, control and fear/personal identity/safety issues. ‘I need to know how to react, so I will define,’ judgment says.
I figured letting it be meant not reacting – instead, pausing and then acting after due consideration. Nope – tho again, it’s better than reacting from entirely unconscious pre-conditioning. It’s something, but not all of it.
Let it be means allow it to be what it is, in your world, without narrowing your field of vision with any form of judgment based on preconceived notions. The word Preconceived literally means, ‘Created previously.’ Judgment doesn’t leave room for New creation to take place, it’s more about labeling things and putting them in boxes. A shorthand life.
Letting it be is witnessing without any previously thought up ideas about what is being witnessed. Acceptance lives here – otherwise known as unconditional love (another confusing topic).
Where love is, life is, and life is always moving. Whatever it is you’re bearing witness to will change…and with you looking at it with full acceptance, this added actively passive element of allowing gives it room to Be so it can finish that part of it’s becoming and move on to whatever’s next.
Trusting in that ‘next’, not channeling it according to the will of narrowed judgment but instead just bearing witness to whatever it is, allows what is being seen to move naturally into its own pattern of unfolding. It’s got places to Be – other places than we can conceive of, naturally inherent in its own Being.
Allowing and letting it Be let’s it become – the love in this act allows it to become within its full potential, not as limited as even it may have thought it was, and not pre-conceived into a box of the witnesses’ creation. It allows with an open hand, trusting.
Note I didn’t say this was easy. ;) It takes a real leap of faith – that’s what I’m practicing with now. So far so very good. :) More on that later.
Oh, and as a quick side note – it seems that the more we let everything else be, the more we get to be, too…
The Pulse …in all
Words like light and dark are thrown around all the time without much thought behind it. ‘He is the light of my life…’ … ‘there is a darkness in her…’ and such. Calling upon the forces of light. Casting out the dark. There’s even a term referred to as Lightworker.
But what’s it really mean? As I lay in stillness, I posed this question to the silence. And I received an answer that felt powerful and true yet not in words at all.
I saw an endless field of nothing…just that: nothing. Not even a field – and yet there was a presence in and of the nothingness. And then came a ripple, a vibration as if on the surface of glass or water or even in sound.
Light and dark sprang into existence as presence bent around it, and I suddenly came into the understanding that they are flip sides of each other.
It is not that light casts out darkness or darkness defeats light. It is more that light defines dark and dark defines light – yet beneath it all is the presence in and of everything. In other words, dark or light, the same presence is there.
It’s the presence that is the life and energy behind all of creation – light and dark are just ideas spun out to play with for a bit. Ideas in duality to allow all that is to explore all that is.
Exploration is the name of the game, and we have only been playing with a tiny ripple thus far. Just two dimensions and the many ideas spun therein like time and space by the conscious points of awareness we are.
What’s next? Presence already knows…and apparently so shall we, when we’re ready.
Are you ready? :)