Category Archives: Paradigm Shift
This is in answer to the call from Karen Chrappa who wrote to her 20 year old self with sage advice, and invited others to do the same :) original here
Hiya me! :) I’m 36, you’re 20, and I’m writing you because it sounded like a neat idea. Who knows? Maybe you’ll even receive this in a dream (which I’ll then remember having ;) )
The premise behind this is for me to tell you about stuff you didn’t know back then, that I wish you had… It’s kind of free form really, so I’ll just randomly throw stuff out there :)
First and foremost – you know a whole lot more than you think you do, and also not nearly as much. You have a lot of heart knowledge, but your worldly street smarts really sucks. You know how you thought maybe your parents didn’t have a clue about the world? Well, ends up you were right. They’re not mentors – they’re a mess!
So don’t blow all your scholarships in the hopes they’ll notice you went to college – turns out that didn’t work and we’re still paying it off all this time later.
Oh, and! It’s okay to be on your own…it’s a really good chance to get to know yourself. I remember how tempting it was to go off and find people to define me by – guys, friends, groups. In the end I more found out who I wasn’t.
Learn To Drive. Ends up your dad didn’t have your best interests in mind there, either… you are an amazing driver. There’s nothing to be afraid of, you won’t hurt anyone – trust yourself even when he wouldn’t. Especially when he wouldn’t.
Drinking? Drugs? Bad idea. You learned that one real quick, but unfortunately the really really really hard way. It wasn’t worth it…
Speaking of which – things being painful and difficult doesn’t mean they’re worth it. It just means they’re difficult. You can actually take the easy road without missing out on a thing.
It also ends up that sacrificing yourself for other people makes zero sense. It doesn’t help them one bit – you just take on their crap for a while. They’ll have to do it all over again later b/c you got in the way of their learning how not to do it! Oops…yeah, hard one to learn, but that one is very worth it :)
The biggest thing I have to share with you is that heart knowledge thing. The deep and high connection you have…and your desire to share it with everyone else. It’s precious. Cultivate it for yourself first, learn how it works and how to love yourself…not how to love everyone else no matter what. Ends up we had it backwards.
Once you cultivate that heart space, you’ll have all the guidance you need. Feels tense and sharp? Don’t go there! There’s another way around, one of connection – it may be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be Heart Rending if you know what I mean. Listen closely to that.
Balance, stability and emotional resilience are going to be big assets as you move through life. Still are. Drama for drama’s sake has a flavor – you know what I’m talking about. That ‘on fire’ feeling? Avoid it…again, it’s not worth it. That’s you burning…just you.
Oh! And you know how your mom treated everything with aspirin, and then advil? It ends up that doing that for a really long time is bad, as is triple dosing. If it hurts, it means something is wrong. That something may be emotional, but it’s still a something and you gotta be there with it.
Last thing I can think of kinda goes back to what I said before about getting to know yourself by yourself. In the end there’s you. Your connection to everyone and everything begins and ends with you – a full circle. You’re the alpha and omega of it, and your depth is never ending.
That’s the exploration of life – really, what life is about for us this lifetime, in a way…knowing ourselves and how our world reflects us back to us. So get to know you, outside the realm of influence of your mother (especially) and father… and the people you feel you have to help or ‘save.’
Other people aren’t your job or your purpose. You are. In exploring that, your life, dedicated to serving the realization of humanity’s highest potential at this time as it always has been, can actually be made manifest. It must begin at the heart of you…so get to know yourself!
The reality bubble you’re spinning out around you is of you – what comes in and goes out. Fascinating stuff – you’ll really enjoy it :)
Oh, and there is a God – ‘It’ is infinite expansion and exploration of existence, of which you are a part.
As such, you are intensely loved, accepted and a perfect fit for all the wonderment (or woe) you choose to create with your life. :) Me, I’m pulling for the wonderment team these days. Woe is interesting, but it gets old.
(Note: This is a continuation from a previous entry – The Pulse …in allowing)
I noticed the first thing that came up for me was this low grade constantly present fear. I realized that I had been explaining it to myself, wrassling with it, judging it, accepting it and hoping it would just go away…
When I looked at it with allowing eyes, at first it got worse and I was like, forget this! Ugh! This is AWFUL!! What in the world am I so freaked out about? It got worse and worse but I stayed and listened as I moved about my day, instead of using one of many tactics I’ve developed during my life to banish it.
I realized after a day or so of low grade panic (I spent a lot of time in the nature sanctuary nearby, walking and listening and looking around while doing this…the flowers and trees really helped.) that the background noise of fear was revealing itself to be of multiple tones.
I was being constantly poked by a wide variety of things that were so constant that at first it had appeared to be a single voice. Nope! As I watched and allowed and trained my focus on different voices, they resolved themselves.
This was tough – it was so hard not to reach for my HUGE bag o’ tricks and process through or whatever. Nope, I decided to give this Let it Be thing a full opportunity to be experienced, and I stuck with it.
It was hard. I cried / panicked a lot and returned to listening to the breeze or the water or trees talking to each other and kept looking. It was as if I’d been waiting for this for my entire life…
One by one the voices presented themselves. They appeared as grubby children. A child with her teddybear’s head ripped off by a bully, crying and dirty, was first. I sat with her, listened to her rang and rave and throw temper tantrum after tantrum until she wore herself out.
Then she ran to me and I felt like she wanted me to know her better but didn’t know how to begin, so I asked her, “What’s your name?” Joy, she said, and a flash of memories passed before my eyes of all the times I had been punished by people who were supposed to be taking care of me for being too loud.
Being too happy. I got picked on and beaten up enough times that I learned not to do that, and this little girl had held it for me. She was my protector – not a demon or gremlin stealing my joy, but instead protecting me from the pain that had come before. She was my hero, my knight. Together we looked at the world, and it was changed.
I thought, ‘Let it be,’ meant leave it alone. Figure out a way to let it go. Find something in myself that will allow me to just let it alone.
Much to my surprise I suddenly realized…this isn’t what the deeper truth of the phrase is really speaking to. It’ll do the job, not acting from rage and trusting in life for all to move into balance in time. Trusting in something beyond ourselves. Yes, good stuff…but not the whole picture.
For all I know I’m not onto the entire picture myself, even – but I did find this new piece I want to share. It’s the piece of Allowing while bearing witness.
I can see why I missed it – it’s a heart thing, and as much as the analytical mind may like to take it apart and put it back together in order to figure it out…that isn’t going to happen with this, because it doesn’t ‘make sense’ in a mental way.
Letting it be has a passively active element to it (how’s that for confusing? ;) ) The role of the witness, the bearer of awareness as an individual that each of us possess – we hold the key to alchemy, if we’re willing to let it go. (definitely confusing)
When we watch – an event, an emotion, a memory, another person – without any judgment at all…something magical happens.
Judgment confines, tries to control and dissect, fit into boxes that channel action in appropriate ways according to our beliefs. It’s about power, control and fear/personal identity/safety issues. ‘I need to know how to react, so I will define,’ judgment says.
I figured letting it be meant not reacting – instead, pausing and then acting after due consideration. Nope – tho again, it’s better than reacting from entirely unconscious pre-conditioning. It’s something, but not all of it.
Let it be means allow it to be what it is, in your world, without narrowing your field of vision with any form of judgment based on preconceived notions. The word Preconceived literally means, ‘Created previously.’ Judgment doesn’t leave room for New creation to take place, it’s more about labeling things and putting them in boxes. A shorthand life.
Letting it be is witnessing without any previously thought up ideas about what is being witnessed. Acceptance lives here – otherwise known as unconditional love (another confusing topic).
Where love is, life is, and life is always moving. Whatever it is you’re bearing witness to will change…and with you looking at it with full acceptance, this added actively passive element of allowing gives it room to Be so it can finish that part of it’s becoming and move on to whatever’s next.
Trusting in that ‘next’, not channeling it according to the will of narrowed judgment but instead just bearing witness to whatever it is, allows what is being seen to move naturally into its own pattern of unfolding. It’s got places to Be – other places than we can conceive of, naturally inherent in its own Being.
Allowing and letting it Be let’s it become – the love in this act allows it to become within its full potential, not as limited as even it may have thought it was, and not pre-conceived into a box of the witnesses’ creation. It allows with an open hand, trusting.
Note I didn’t say this was easy. ;) It takes a real leap of faith – that’s what I’m practicing with now. So far so very good. :) More on that later.
Oh, and as a quick side note – it seems that the more we let everything else be, the more we get to be, too…