Category Archives: Self-Love

The Velveteen Rabbit

Did anyone ever read The Velveteen Rabbit to you when you were a kid? It left a huge impression on me, and still has meaning today. :) Here’s a favorite quote of mine –

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The story is available in its entirety here! :)

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The Pulse: I Learned :)

Always and forever learning – and especially about all this business stuffs! I just learned something – a la Mercury Retrograde – that no one could teach me or tell me. In fact, most ‘experts’ have been telling me to do the exact opposite!

I learned – for me – that I must create from the Inside Out, not the Outside In.

See, in late June early July, I had people all around me wanting to learn how to tune into their guidance. Spirit Guides, Angels, Archangels, Fae – it was as if it was in my face saying See Me! and so…I saw! Or so I thought.

My thinking was easy to understand. “Well, I love working with my Spirit Guides and the guidance of angels and fae and…I could certainly share about it. Seems this is what people want! And all these business models keep saying, ‘Find out what people want, then give it to them for an equivalent exchange for your skill, time and effort.’ Seemed to be a perfect match!

So, I created the Spirit Circles and had all kinds of fun talking about the Fae and Angels and all. I loved playing with them and summoning the energy, feeling into the best way to share things. But there was a weirdness, too – a twisting spin about creating from the outside in.

I took a walk and tuned into the sun and trees and rain…and they gave and I enjoyed but they were silent on the subject of giving people what they want. I found their silence irritating…but I’ve come to find there are answers in the silence.

So, I waited for understanding to come, or for things to come into alignment. But I just felt weirder and weirder and more kinked up. So many people wanted this class. Money coming in, this is nice – I do have bills. And I waited to feel right, but never did.

Finally I realized – I didn’t want to do the classes anymore. They made me feel tired. I didn’t understand where the inspiration had gone – why was I so drained? And then I got it!

The sun, the flower and rain, the fae and angels all around – they give in their joy. They are what they are and they breathe their life. They don’t listen to find out what people need and want and then give it to them…they just are.

I had set up to drain myself all month long, trying to give people
what I thought they wanted – not what I felt inspired to give.

If it had been my own internal inspiration to create the Guides and Guardians class, this would have been different. I would have felt energized by it, and the experience would have filled me up. What others received would have been the overflow of my own joy.

Instead, I was following advice from people I thought had it all figured out. And maybe they had…but not for me. Time for me to follow my own heart. :)

So, I’m canceling the classes. I’ll be processing refunds and offering alternative exchanges as needed!

I Learned :)

The Pulse …my hero

(Note: This is a continuation from a previous entry – The Pulse …in allowing)

I noticed the first thing that came up for me was this low grade constantly present fear. I realized that I had been explaining it to myself, wrassling with it, judging it, accepting it and hoping it would just go away…

When I looked at it with allowing eyes, at first it got worse and I was like, forget this! Ugh! This is AWFUL!! What in the world am I so freaked out about? It got worse and worse but I stayed and listened as I moved about my day, instead of using one of many tactics I’ve developed during my life to banish it.

I realized after a day or so of low grade panic (I spent a lot of time in the nature sanctuary nearby, walking and listening and looking around while doing this…the flowers and trees really helped.) that the background noise of fear was revealing itself to be of multiple tones.

I was being constantly poked by a wide variety of things that were so constant that at first it had appeared to be a single voice. Nope! As I watched and allowed and trained my focus on different voices, they resolved themselves.

This was tough – it was so hard not to reach for my HUGE bag o’ tricks and process through or whatever. Nope, I decided to give this Let it Be thing a full opportunity to be experienced, and I stuck with it.

It was hard. I cried / panicked a lot and returned to listening to the breeze or the water or trees talking to each other and kept looking. It was as if I’d been waiting for this for my entire life…

One by one the voices presented themselves. They appeared as grubby children. A child with her teddybear’s head ripped off by a bully, crying and dirty, was first. I sat with her, listened to her rang and rave and throw temper tantrum after tantrum until she wore herself out.

Then she ran to me and I felt like she wanted me to know her better but didn’t know how to begin, so I asked her, “What’s your name?” Joy, she said, and a flash of memories passed before my eyes of all the times I had been punished by people who were supposed to be taking care of me for being too loud.

Being too happy. I got picked on and beaten up enough times that I learned not to do that, and this little girl had held it for me. She was my protector – not a demon or gremlin stealing my joy, but instead protecting me from the pain that had come before. She was my hero, my knight. Together we looked at the world, and it was changed.

The Pulse …in allowing

You know…it wasn’t until recently – very recently – that I came to really understand what the wisdom in the words, “Let it be…” really is..

I thought, ‘Let it be,’ meant leave it alone. Figure out a way to let it go. Find something in myself that will allow me to just let it alone.

Much to my surprise I suddenly realized…this isn’t what the deeper truth of the phrase is really speaking to. It’ll do the job, not acting from rage and trusting in life for all to move into balance in time. Trusting in something beyond ourselves. Yes, good stuff…but not the whole picture.

For all I know I’m not onto the entire picture myself, even – but I did find this new piece I want to share. It’s the piece of Allowing while bearing witness.

I can see why I missed it – it’s a heart thing, and as much as the analytical mind may like to take it apart and put it back together in order to figure it out…that isn’t going to happen with this, because it doesn’t ‘make sense’ in a mental way.

Letting it be has a passively active element to it (how’s that for confusing? ;) ) The role of the witness, the bearer of awareness as an individual that each of us possess – we hold the key to alchemy, if we’re willing to let it go. (definitely confusing)

When we watch – an event, an emotion, a memory, another person – without any judgment at all…something magical happens.

Judgment confines, tries to control and dissect, fit into boxes that channel action in appropriate ways according to our beliefs. It’s about power, control and fear/personal identity/safety issues. ‘I need to know how to react, so I will define,’ judgment says.

I figured letting it be meant not reacting – instead, pausing and then acting after due consideration. Nope – tho again, it’s better than reacting from entirely unconscious pre-conditioning. It’s something, but not all of it.

Let it be means allow it to be what it is, in your world, without narrowing your field of vision with any form of judgment based on preconceived notions. The word Preconceived literally means, ‘Created previously.’  Judgment doesn’t leave room for New creation to take place, it’s more about labeling things and putting them in boxes. A shorthand life.

Letting it be is witnessing without any previously thought up ideas about what is being witnessed. Acceptance lives here – otherwise known as unconditional love (another confusing topic).

Where love is, life is, and life is always moving. Whatever it is you’re bearing witness to will change…and with you looking at it with full acceptance, this added actively passive element of allowing gives it room to Be so it can finish that part of it’s becoming and move on to whatever’s next.

Trusting in that ‘next’, not channeling it according to the will of narrowed judgment but instead just bearing witness to whatever it is, allows what is being seen to move naturally into its own pattern of unfolding. It’s got places to Be – other places than we can conceive of, naturally inherent in its own Being.

Allowing and letting it Be let’s it become – the love in this act allows it to become within its full potential, not as limited as even it may have thought it was, and not pre-conceived into a box of the witnesses’ creation. It allows with an open hand, trusting.

Note I didn’t say this was easy. ;) It takes a real leap of faith – that’s what I’m practicing with now. So far so very good. :) More on that later.

Oh, and as a quick side note – it seems that the more we let everything else be, the more we get to be, too…

The Pulse …in being

The act of Being has almost become a lost art in this world we’ve built up around ourselves, a world created with push-pull forms of controlling the flow of energy. We’ve learned to hammer ourselves into shapes that fit the common mold – out of necessity – and in so doing we’ve unintentionally perpetuated it. It keeps limping along because we are, birds walking on the ground even tho somewhere along the way our feathers grew in and we can now fly. Surprise! :)

We’ve become way too big to fit the common mold. The inherent flaw of the mold has shown itself – the illusion of freedom of choice (you can be a nurse, a teacher or a mother – you get to choose!) has become real. We believed the Truth that was always there right on into being an actual reality – we really do get to choose anything, now…and choose we must, or get caught in the undertow.

The new mold isn’t a mold at all…it’s more of a way. The way of authenticity. No more learning how to fit into anything other than allowing ourselves to be who we are – which is actually a bit of a challenge, at least for me.

There are a lot of old programs in place – ones we felt were necessary to our survival within the old life interface. As I’m remaining present to my own authenticity, to being who I am and meeting life as it meets me in any given moment, old programs have been coming up for clearing… They’re the parts that are uncomfortable, telling me who and how to be even if it’s contrary to my nature.

Being is all about learning and growing through joy, thriving, AS you, just the way you are and just the way you’re becoming as you focus in on that which you want to explore next. Well, apparently this is right next door to suicide according to many of my old programs. Be who I am? Are you kidding?

Thing is, we’re the shift generation – everyone alive today. The world is in the midst of  a huge paradigm shift, and we get to be the ones who ride the line as that wave crests into the new Now. Time to learn how to surf – clinging to the old template (the one that tells you who you are and how to be safe being it) is becoming more and more uncomfortable. It’ll have us rolling and tumbling in the undertow if we hold on to it.

I have to admit – I have been quite the clinger when it comes to surviving. Thriving isn’t something I’ve ever really known…so I tend to cling to the old programs that say ‘do this or die’ even when they no longer work as expected. This keeps happening over and over, becoming more and more uncomfortable.

I’ve discovered that I’ve had to learn an entirely new skill set – one that’s all about breathing in and letting go. Being authentically myself…allowing life to flow in, through, and around me as it is and as I am in any given moment.

Very similar to instructions they give to swimming pool lifeguards…how best to survive in deep water? Breathe deep, spread yourself out as you are without tensing up (in other words, relax…) and Be. Float and be…the water will hold you exactly as you are, if you’re willing to let go and trust it.