Category Archives: True Self
I stand at the base of a cliff and look up. My entire life lays spread out before me like some kind of patchwork quilt created by a blind man – the shape is there, the vague outline of a life – but all the lines are crooked, like the creator lost his place many times along the way.
Starts and stops, splashes of color. None of it made sense up close, but down here, seeing it as the big picture it really is, things begin to come into focus.
“So I fell there…” I say, pointing to a particularly jagged set of lines early on in the quilt, then gesture to a steady upward rise and lightening of color. “So I could be stable and clear here.”
“But what’s it all about?!” I yell, waving my arms at the sky of my life. “Where the hell is it going?”
I didn’t expect an answer, and was surprised when I got one.
“That is up to you,” came a voice, both masculine and feminine, kind yet unattached.
“Up to me?” I say, incredulous. “Have you seen my life? Whose great idea was it to put me in charge of such a thing…it’s a complete mess!”
“It was your idea,” the voice intoned. “Complete autonomy. Complete freedom to choose as you will.”
Tears run down my face and my voice cracks as I fall to my knees. “I don’t want it! I don’t know what I’m doing! I mean look at this thing – it’s like I’m going in circles.”
“You are…” comes the reply, along with a rippling in the air above me. I look up once again.
The sky rendering of my life has drawn even farther away, yet I can see with perfect clarity. “Spirals,” I say.
“When do I get off the damn thing?” I yell. “When do I actually get somewhere? Anywhere?”
Points appear in the sky, linking the spirals, revealing the pattern even as they inscribe the Reiki symbol of power I’m so familiar with. I frown.
“It doesn’t feel like it. How do I get some sense of satisfaction and fulfillment? How do I recognize arrival?”
“Open your heart and let arrival in. It’s with you constantly, in ever breath, with every beat of your heart. Every moment that passes – you arrive and depart. You’re moving so fast, always on to the next thing, never pausing to be where you are – it’s there, you’re just missing it.”
Side Note: Living Words is a new project :) A kind of Truth meets Reality experience.
Above, in this story-fied experiential version, is generally how guidance arrives for me. Yes, I often yell at it. ;) But, it’s in pictures and with arguments and a lot of clarification – especially when I’m fed up and asking about something I’ve been pushing against for a while. I decided to actually write down the experience as it was happening. This is unedited.
The Living Words – Going Deeper sections, the ones that say ‘On Choice‘ and ‘On Acknowledgement’ – those are the boiled down versions I had gotten a couple weeks prior that I just wasn’t able to process through. They’re the sanitized versions, almost de-humanized in their directness, and they came first in calm awarenesses that were easy to put into disembodied words.
I realized that this blog has become a bit boiled down in nature – only showing the sanitized guidance I’d received and not showing any of the actual experience or humanness of the experience. I didn’t want to come across that way as the bulk of who I am and who I present myself as to those who encounter me. I’m a real person :) This is me sharing that, along with what I learned.
Without a thought or a word,
she let go. She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments. She
let go of the confluence of
opinions swarming around her
head. She let go of the committee
of indecision within her. She let
go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without
hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to
let go. She didn’t search the
scriptures. She just let go. She let
go of all the memories that held
her back. She let go of all the
anxiety that kept her from moving
forward. She let go of the
planning and all of the
calculations about how to
do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She
didn’t journal about it. She didn’t
write the projected date in her
Day-Timer. She made no public
announcement and put no ad in
the paper. She didn’t check the
weather report or read her daily
horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she
should let go. She didn’t call her
friends to discuss the matter. She
didn’t do a five-step Spiritual
Mind Treatment. She didn’t call
the prayer line. She didn’t utter
one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it
happened. There was no
applause or congratulations. No
one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing. Like a
leaf falling from a tree, she just
There was no effort. There
was no struggle. It wasn’t good
and it wasn’t bad. It was what it
was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let
it all be. A small smile came over
her face. A light breeze blew
through her. And the sun and the
moon shone forevermore..”
~ Reverend Safire Rose
Did anyone ever read The Velveteen Rabbit to you when you were a kid? It left a huge impression on me, and still has meaning today. :) Here’s a favorite quote of mine –
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
The story is available in its entirety here! :)
Always and forever learning – and especially about all this business stuffs! I just learned something – a la Mercury Retrograde – that no one could teach me or tell me. In fact, most ‘experts’ have been telling me to do the exact opposite!
I learned – for me – that I must create from the Inside Out, not the Outside In.
See, in late June early July, I had people all around me wanting to learn how to tune into their guidance. Spirit Guides, Angels, Archangels, Fae – it was as if it was in my face saying See Me! and so…I saw! Or so I thought.
My thinking was easy to understand. “Well, I love working with my Spirit Guides and the guidance of angels and fae and…I could certainly share about it. Seems this is what people want! And all these business models keep saying, ‘Find out what people want, then give it to them for an equivalent exchange for your skill, time and effort.’ Seemed to be a perfect match!
So, I created the Spirit Circles and had all kinds of fun talking about the Fae and Angels and all. I loved playing with them and summoning the energy, feeling into the best way to share things. But there was a weirdness, too – a twisting spin about creating from the outside in.
I took a walk and tuned into the sun and trees and rain…and they gave and I enjoyed but they were silent on the subject of giving people what they want. I found their silence irritating…but I’ve come to find there are answers in the silence.
So, I waited for understanding to come, or for things to come into alignment. But I just felt weirder and weirder and more kinked up. So many people wanted this class. Money coming in, this is nice – I do have bills. And I waited to feel right, but never did.
Finally I realized – I didn’t want to do the classes anymore. They made me feel tired. I didn’t understand where the inspiration had gone – why was I so drained? And then I got it!
The sun, the flower and rain, the fae and angels all around – they give in their joy. They are what they are and they breathe their life. They don’t listen to find out what people need and want and then give it to them…they just are.
I had set up to drain myself all month long, trying to give people
what I thought they wanted – not what I felt inspired to give.
If it had been my own internal inspiration to create the Guides and Guardians class, this would have been different. I would have felt energized by it, and the experience would have filled me up. What others received would have been the overflow of my own joy.
Instead, I was following advice from people I thought had it all figured out. And maybe they had…but not for me. Time for me to follow my own heart. :)
So, I’m canceling the classes. I’ll be processing refunds and offering alternative exchanges as needed!
I Learned :)
At the core of you is a spark of light that sings the song of your soul. Take a moment to tune in and embrace the wonder that you are :) This will be a short talk followed by a guided meditation and Q&A.
Group Call by Phone or Skype – RSVP to receive the number and access code!